


All I'll Ever Have

by my_happy_little_bean



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Thomas Sanders (Video Blogging RPF) - Fandom
Genre: Angst/Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, LAMP/CALM - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Deceit - Freeform, implied manipulative relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 00:45:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14225448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_happy_little_bean/pseuds/my_happy_little_bean
Summary: Prompt from tumblr: "Idk if your prompt things are open, but I love your writing. It's awesome. I had this idea based on a conversation I had with some friends. The Sides all hanging out, and somehow they start looking at the photo album with Roman, Logan, and Patton growing up before Virgil was accepted. They're all really relaxed and Virgil just lightly makes the comment " It must have been nice having people like you guys growing up. All I had was Deceit." And he isn't even upset. Just stating a fact."In which family is all Virgil ever had.





	All I'll Ever Have

**Author's Note:**

> a/n- this is a long time coming, heh. i originally wrote this as a ficlet for an anon and it turned into a beast of a fic :')) but i hope you enjoy some hurt/comfort LAMP/CALM for your soul, dear readers <33

“Are you done with the popcorn yet?” Virgil heard Roman call out to Patton in his usual dramatic-flair from the living room.

“Do not rush him, Roman,” he heard Logan reply. “He could spill it. Then we would all be done with the popcorn.”

Virgil smirked, watching as Patton poured the newly-microwaved bags of popcorn into bowls.  He heard Logan say blatantly, “It was a joke.”

“I didn’t get that,” Roman said sarcastically. Virgil rolled his eyes.

“You see, when I said ‘we would all be done with the popcorn,’ I was referring to the fact that we would no longer have any popcorn in the hypothetical situation that Patton would—”

“Got it,” Roman cut him off, and Virgil smiled smugly.  _Dork_.

Patton motioned to Virgil, telling him to grab the drinks and follow him. Virgil sighed, holding two glasses in each hand by their handle. He shakily trailed behind Patton out of the kitchen—who was holding two bowls of popcorn in his arms—careful not to spill any of the drinks. Virgil watched as Logan buried himself back in his article on his phone, and smiled as Patton swooped past him and around the couch, amused.

“Alright-y,” Patton announced, setting the popcorn on the coffee table. Virgil wordlessly handed out drinks. Roman pitied him a small smile, and Virgil just sat down on the ground in front of the couch with an amused scoff. Roman rolled his eyes.

“So, what are we watching?” Roman asked eagerly. “Are we to witness the valiant quest of  _Hercules?_ The heart-wrenching tragedy of  _Up?_  The heart-warming, fuzzy feeling, wonderfully-amazing masterpiece of—you guessed it—every  _Disney_  film ever?!”

Virgil huffed. “ _Geez_.”

“More than enough adjectives, Roman,” Logan chimed in. Virgil smirked as Roman sagged into the couch once more.

“Well, I was thinking,”—Patton grinned too widely for Roman’s taste—“we could change the rules of movie night a bit! No  _Disney_  films this time ‘round!”

“N-No—” Roman asked, a hand flying over his heart. “ _No_ Disney _films?!”_

“Change,” Logan asked at the same time, exasperated, “the _rules?!”_

Virgil rolled his eyes.  _Melodramatic geeks._

“I thought we could watch some home videos!” Patton cheered, conjuring up a few DVR tapes and throwing them in the air. Virgil flinched softly, but furrowed his eyebrows.

“Home videos?” he echoed. Patton nodded, gathering them all up in his arms again and carrying them to the TV.

“Yup!” Patton said cheerily, popping a tape in the DVR player. Virgil shifted uncomfortably in his spot on the ground, pulling both his knees to his chest. Logan snuck a glance at Virgil, before setting his phone aside and lifting his head to face Patton.

“Patton,” he began, “are you sure this is a good idea to play these in front of V—”

“Let’s go!” Roman exclaimed loudly, immediately grabbing the remote and pressing ‘play.’ Logan frowned, almost apologetically, at Virgil. He shrugged, but tucked himself in his sweater a bit more, and bringing the ends of his sleeves to the middle of his palms. Patton sat beside Virgil on the ground, cross-legged, in front of the couch.

The TV screen flickered to life, and the four watched as a young-Patton’s face was nearly pressed against the camera. They were in the kitchen, Virgil noted. A small cake was seen out-of-focus behind Patton on the counter. He stifled a laugh behind his hand at Patton’s wide eyes.

 _“Teach? Yo, Logan! Why don’t ya want to be seen?”_  young-Patton whined.  _“You know you don’t have to hold the camera, right?”_

Logan scoffed at the same time young-Logan seemed to scoff.

 _“I’d much rather prefer to remain off-camera, Patton,”_  young-Logan replied.  _“I’m perfectly adequate with filming whilst you prepare Roman’s cake.”_

“You sound exactly the same,” Virgil scoffed, “just in a higher octave.”

“I used contractions back then,” Logan said, shaking his head with a small ‘tsk.’ However, a sparkle of nostalgia glistened behind his glasses. “I was so young.”

Suddenly, a rustle was heard behind him. Young-Patton turned around to see  _Roman_  run into the kitchen, swinging his plastic sword all over the place. Virgil smirked; young-Roman had shaggy, almost blond hair; and was wearing an oversized prince costume. The red sash was too long on him, Virgil noticed.

 _“Stand back!”_  young-Roman cried out. Roman buried his face in his hands as even Logan couldn’t help but chuckle.  _“Is Logan not cooperating once more? Alas, I shall **sLAY HIM!** ”_

Roman shook his head in the palm of his hands.

“Ugh, what was I  _doing?_ ” Roman muttered. “Most importantly, what was  _up_  with my  _hair?_ God, let’s not even  _mention_  what I am wearing…”

“Well that is simply just an oversized version of what you normally wear,” Logan stated simply.

 _“Woah, careful there, kiddo!”_ young-Patton chuckled nervously. _“You’re swingin’ that sword an awful lo— ROMAN!”_

Virgil watched in hysterics as young-Roman sliced the cake in half. Patton flushed red as he watched young-Logan zoom in on the cake and young-Patton’s angry, red face.

“You look real mad,” Virgil noted. Patton smiled, embarrassed.

“Lots of emotions,” he said, “none of them in check.”

 _“I AM GOING TO FIGHT YOU!”_  young-Patton shrieked. Out of evident defence, young-Roman scooped a handful of sliced cake in his mouth—Roman audibly gasped out of disgust—and then grabbed another handful and threw it at Patton. Virgil watched as Patton’s initial anger faded into some kind of smugness.

 _“Oh, it’s **on!** ” _The camera whipped back and forth, recording a cake fight between young-Roman and young-Patton. The four of the Sides on the couch cheered and winced; Virgil even found himself laughing alongside them, despite the bitter pang of loneliness in his chest.

Eventually, young-Logan was screaming about getting cake on his new tie, and he set the camera down on the table at a slight angle, and Virgil watched as young-Logan went farther away to grab some cake.

The red blur that momentarily blocked the camera signalled to Virgil that Roman was standing in front of it.

 _“C’mon, Lo!”_ young-Roman laughed.  _“You don’t even know how to throw!”_

Patton’s laugh—both from the TV speakers and near Virgil on the couch—rang in Virgil’s ears.

Virgil watched as Roman slid to the side, catching a glimpse of Logan—with a cake-splattered tie—chucking a piece of cake that landed on the camera. The last thing they heard before the clip finished was an angry  _“FALSEHOOD!”_

The four laughed, and Virgil found himself popping a piece of popcorn in his mouth.  _Maybe this wasn’t so bad._

The next clip began to play, and he recognized the scenery as  _Disney World._

 _“Wow, Roman!”_  Patton, who was holding the camera, remarked. Patton directed the camera to face Logan, who looked around 12 or 13. His head was buried in the park map, but he snuck a glance at the camera.

_“It’s— **it is**  very impressive. I… **did not**  know you were capable of creating this landscape in your room, Roman.”_

Logan smiled proudly, crossing his arms in satisfaction. “A+, Logan.”

The camera whirled around without warning and Virgil suddenly burst into laughter. Logan smiled as well upon seeing what was flashing on the TV screen, and Patton softly patted Roman’s knee from the ground. Roman’s eyes widened in horror.

 _“I’ll admit,”_  an emo-looking Roman said in the camera,  _“it is pretty awesome…or whatever.”_

While he was still wearing a prince outfit, it was decked fully in  _black_. However, that wasn’t the main attraction — Roman’s brown hair was swept over his eyes in a dark fringe. If he squinted, Virgil swore he saw a touch of eyeshadow under his eyes.

“Oh… _my God.”_  Virgil looked up at a beyond-embarrassed Roman.

“Thomas was going through a…a  _thing_ , okay?!” Roman said defensively, barely able to take a glance at the emo-Roman on the screen.

“How did I forget such a…phase?” Logan said, trying to stop himself from laughing.

“Guys, hush,” Patton playfully scolded,  _“it’s a hot topic.”_

Roman let out a squeak, burying his face in his hands once more. Virgil scoffed, quietly watched the Sides run around, exploring the world Roman created in his room. He couldn’t help but imagine what that must’ve felt like, to be in what seemed like the happiest place in the world.

The tape cut to a new clip; one of all three of them circled on the floor of Patton’s room. Roman—who was, thankfully for him, now in regular apparel—was strumming a guitar, and everyone was singing some Spanish song Roman must’ve taught them; Virgil recognized the tune. Even Logan was singing — he was the loudest of all.

As their happy song blared in his ears, Virgil found the small butterfly of anxiety flutter in his stomach. He grabbed one of his sleeves.

“It must have been nice having people like you guys growing up,” Virgil blurted out. “All I had was Deceit.”

Silence. Logan quickly took over damage-control and hastily scrambled to remote, before pausing the clip completely. He didn’t say a word.

Virgil winced at the brightness of the now-blue screen, the smiling faces of the younger Sides disappearing  _just like that._

“K-Kiddo—”

“No, Pat.” Virgil looked down at his feet, almost upset. “I don’t know why I said that. It was stupid. We were all having such a good time—”

“Is that how you feel?” Roman asked, placing a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil looked up at him, about to open his mouth when Roman added, “Don’t lie to us,  _Emo Disaster._ ”

“Says  _you_ ,” Virgil said darkly, standing up. “Since when do  _you_  care?”

Patton, trying to avert the sudden crisis, stood up too. He grabbed Virgil’s wrist before the other Side could storm off.

“Listen, kiddo, maybe this was a bad idea,” Patton said guiltily. Virgil’s heart began to race. “I should’ve thought this through, but this doesn’t have to end like this. We have all night left to spend together.”

Virgil pulled back.

“Yeah,” he grumbled in a semi-panicked rush, “that’s not what you all used to think whenever I wanted to spend the night.”

He left before anyone else could say a word, the blue screen of the TV illuminating the rest of the room.

* * *

Virgil didn’t know how long he was in his room. He was sulking the entire time, listening to old songs of  _My Chemical Romance_  like the loser he was.

He shouldn’t have left; he knew that now. He caused a scene, even if he didn’t mean to.

It was just…looking at them. Looking at how  _happy_  they were when it was just the three of them. It was a surge of anger, he realized — after all, they knew he existed. They knew that  _all of them existed_

Virgil was just  _different_. That was all.

The only thing he ever did was  _try_ ;   
he could see why that would leave the rest of them unsettled.

Virgil tried not to cry at the thought. Deceit and the rest of the Dark Sides were all he ever had, and he feared that they were all he’ll ever truly have.

Because none of the Sides smiled as much as they used to do. They were all walking on eggshells around him; he wasn’t  _stupid_. Who could blame them? He was a terrible person; the reason that they all still kept up the act was beyond him.

Virgil bit back a sob.

Sure, Deceit lied when he said he enjoyed Virgil’s company;  
but he never told Virgil to  _leave_.

 _Knock knock!_  Virgil flinched at the noise; he knew that knock anywhere.

“Kiddo?” Patton’s soft voice floated through. Virgil crossed his arms, pushing himself deeper into the corner of his room.

“Go away,” he muttered. He’d push them away, that’s what he’d do. After all, he only had himself now. The eerie silence of his room was all he should ever have — being kept away from the others was the only solution.

They’d smile more now.  
 _They’d be happy again._

“Virgil.” He was surprised upon hearing Logan’s voice. “If you could let us in, that would benefit all of us. We…we promise.”

Virgil stiffened before he muttered, “Door’s open.”

The door swung open, and when Virgil looked up, his eyes widened.

Patton marched in with a half-empty bowl of popcorn, blowing on a small kazoo and wearing a goofy sombrero. Behind him was Roman, who began finger-picking the strings of his old guitar, humming the tune of a Spanish song he used to sing to Virgil to get him to bed — Virgil never knew the name.

Logan trailed behind them,   
holding a camera.

“If you are comfortable with the camera,” Logan began, “you are welcome to say ‘hello,’ Virgil — I hear that is what participants in a video tend to say to a camera. For some odd reason.”

Virgil broke into a small smile, doing a small salute to the camera. He stood up and looked at the three of them, almost confused.

“What do you three dorks think you’re doing?” he asked, hoping that the hint of his snarky voice masked the sudden sense of fear.

“Pat’s idea,” Roman said sheepishly, looking up at Virgil shyly. “We’re going to sing some songs in a circle and have a bippity-boppity good time!”

“My room’s not the best for those kind of…good times,” Virgil said, his smile fading. Logan shook his head.

“On the contrary,” Logan said. “We are not always, as Thomas once said, ‘corrupted’ in your room. It is your own personal levels of anxiety that intensify that feeling. However, we are aiming to make you feel… _good_. Hopefully it is able to decrease your levels of anxiety to a point in which you are… _comfortable_. We can leave if anything gets out of hand, of course. But other than that concern, there is nothing to worry about; I did the planning, after all.”

Virgil crossed his arms, closing in on himself. “You don’t have to do this.”

Patton pocketed the kazoo and placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder.

“We want to,” he said quietly. “We know that there was a time where a life with Deceit and the others was all you knew. And it was selfish of us to think that it would be okay for your life to remain that way.”

“Affirmative,” Logan noted, still holding the camera and directing it to face Virgil. “We can’t take away the absence of the memories Roman, Patton, and I experienced as a family—”

“—but we can begin to create new ones!” Roman triumphantly finished. He softened, and added, “With a  _complete_  family, of course.”

Virgil’s dark room brightened up a bit, lights of purple slowly fading in. Patton smiled, taking a deep breath.

“We love you a lot, Virge,” he said with a smile. Virgil fought off the urge to roll his eyes as he caught Logan zooming in on his now-teary face.

“Put the camera away,” he said quietly. Logan frowned, lowering the camera, and Roman’s breath hitched.

“Is everything alright, kiddo?” Patton asked. When Virgil said nothing, Patton added nervously, “We just…the camera is so that you can look back on this night. So you that even if had something different before, you’ll remember that you’ll always have us.”

Silence.

“I don’t need a camera to remember that,” Virgil finally said, and was immediately enveloped in Patton’s warm embrace.

He was startled for a minute, but he eventually moved into the hug, more comfortable. Logan set the camera aside and joined in, alongside Roman, who placed the guitar on the ground.

Wrapped in this warm hug—all of this love—Virgil couldn’t help but smile.

What he has now;  
 _it’s all he’ll ever need._

**Author's Note:**

> comment, kudos, idk what u guys should do; i just hope you liked it ^-^
> 
> ~~scream at me on tumblr @my-happy-little-bean~~


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